(This is my you’ve been warned face)
It has been 11 years since Dan and I met. If you can put your mind into the gutter for a bit that is 11 years of sex. Yes, I said it. And yes, mom, aunts and any relatives reading this, you may not want to continue, but it’s a topic that I feel is so important.
If you’ve hung around me long enough, rolling in the hay, shaking up the sheets and other strange sayings are said all the time. It is just a fact. I have a tendency to crack jokes about sex all the time. I think I just love making people squirm.
I have had SO many conversations with women in relationships that are concerned about their sex lives, or have the fear of what will come. Whether they have been together for months or for years – there is always that subtle ever-growing fear of losing the spark that fuels their sex/romantic life.
Over 11 years I have learned quite a bit about business in the bedroom.
And I will tell you one thing that has remained so true over the years — 99% of keeping that spark alive happens outside of the bedroom.
Let’s face it. Sex doesn’t always happen. You may find yourself going through waves of love-making, scoring days after days on the calendar. And others, you haven’t even removed the cap on the marker to strike a day out.
What I have learned over years of being in a committed relationship is just that – remain committed to finding other ways to love your spouse. Not every moment of every day is going to feel just like the script from the movie the notebook. Dan and I show our love to one another in so many different ways and it really has taken years to learn and develop new ways to show our affection to one another.
For instance –
I am a girl who loves a good hug, kiss or wink throughout the day. Call me needy – but those little moments make me feel like a million bucks. Dan cracks up when I tell him how I need at least 5 hugs a day. Randomly walking up to him and telling him, “It is time” like I am in the lion king movie. But, he gets it.
Dan is not nearly as PDA as I am. So that is where we differ. He is a behind closed doors kinda-of-guy, and that is okay. I’ve learned that he shows his affection through things that to me, at first, seemed anything but romantic.
For instance –
Cleaning out my car. Taking the kids to bed after a crazy day when all I want to do is sit and drink a glass of wine and read a book. Suggesting a morning out by myself at Home Goods while he plays around with the kids. These very actions are his ways of being romantic.
It took me a while to catch onto this. And it took just as much time for Dan to get more comfortable being a little more smoochy in public with me. We have both learned to step outside of our comfort zone. Pay attention to the little things that make each other feel loved and special.
It is crucial in a relationship that even when sex is not on your timeline, or even close to being in your energy tank — to make sure you are doing the other things to make your hunny feel your love.
So on those nights when you have a crying kid in your bed all night long sick.
Or when one of you are up all night with work.
Or when day time sex just seems like a joke when you have kids at your side 24/7.
Remember those simple things you can do day to day to keep the romance alive.
Appreciate what your spouse has to offer. Whether it may not be how you would do things, realize that they are doing their best. Always leave wiggle room to attempt to provide what the other one needs –
And most importantly, your focus should always be to make one another happy.